HOW TO USE FUN AND TAKE THE FEAR OUT OF COMMITMENT
When we think of commitment, most people think of relationships and money. We commit to others through marriage, parenting (starting and raising a family), or finances like buying a house, investing in business, taking on a new job or promotion. The list really is endless in terms of the ways we can and do commit.
Overall, we are looking at responsibilities…things we can be judged for…success or failure…if you commit will you succeed and at what cost to yourself?! How will others judge you on things you commit to, and more importantly, how will you judge yourself?
So is it any wonder that commitments can be scary and leave us feeling unsure, anxious and sometimes overwhelmed to the point that we just want to run away and hid and pretend it isn’t happening! And if this is the case, what can we do about it? How can we make commitments feel less anxiety provoking and more like positive change and progress, and the sort of things we want to relish and embrace?
In my year dedicated to finding, creating and enjoying fun (My Velvet Evolution) I have spent the last month looking at my own relationship with commitment and exploring if fun is indeed, the antidote to anxiety – which can be brought on my a fear of commitment. At the beginning of the month I discussed how I would start with the concept of commitment phobia being linked to adding value (see my What is Commitment? blog post here).
What this month has taught me is that I need to be able to see the value added and positive in anything before I can commit to it. However sometimes the positive, or should I say the lesson learned, is not clear until after the ‘event’, and in these cases maintaining my growth mindset* (which in turn allows for fun) is essential.
So my summary and advice with regards commitment, fear, anxiety and fun come in two equations.
OPTION 1: (Uncertainty + Fear of judgement) x Pressure from fear of failure = Anxiety
OPTION 2: (Clarity of value added + Growth mindset to learning) x Fun = Positive approach to commitment
Which equation we choose to follow will of course dictate which outcome and experience we will receive.
Overall, I would conclude that when it comes commitment what people fear most of all is the lack of guarantee. As human beings we are wary of change and we like to be, (or least think we can be) in control. The difficulty with commitment in whatever shape of form it comes to you, is that it pushes us into a period of change, and with change comes uncertainty, and with uncertainty comes a lack of guarantee that things will work out the way we want and hope they will do.
So until every commitment in life does come with a genuine (no small print) 100% satisfaction guarantee, I invite you to evaluate not only what commitments means to you, but also how you approach it. My equations are here to help you.
If you would like more help with understanding the role commitment has in your life, please get in touch at firstname.lastname@example.org or write a comment in the box below.
Wishing you a happily committed day of fun!
*To find out more about Fixed vs. Growth mindsets click here to learn about the great work of Dr. Carol Dweck.