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    Mending a broken heart

    Mending a broken heart


    When a relationship break downs, people break up.

    Breaking up or relationship breakdown’s are equally emotional and can affect your self-confidence, self-esteem and self-worth. The reason for this is that part of our identity is wrapped up in our relationship, so when the relationship breaks down, or breaks up, our sense of self is impacted.

    Whether we are the person ending the relationship, or whether we are the person feeling left alone and heart broken by the decision of someone else, we are ultimately left with some complex emotions and redefining of our self to navigate.

    So how can you get happy and confident after a break up?

    Step 1. Allow yourself the time and space to grieve. Grieve for the past you shared, grieve for the future you thought you would share but no longer will, and if appropriate, grieve for the time you feel you wasted.

    Step 2. Decide what are the lessons you have learned from this relationship? What did you learn about yourself? What will you do differently next time?

    Step 3. Identify at what point you feel the relationship dynamic changed meaning that the end was in sight, and then forgive yourself for staying past that point. Show yourself compassion about staying in the relationship for longer.

    Step 4. Recognise areas where you are proud of yourself. Of how you thought, felt and behaved in the relationship. Even identify what you admired about your ex, what characteristics first attracted you to them; these are characteristics your sub-conscious will want you to achieve.

    Step 5. Realise that all relationships are equal. Spend time with friends and family that you trust and admire. So long as you have these relationships you cannot believe that you are a failure at relationships, as you are successful in these relationships.

    Step 6. Identify what your values are. What do you stand for? Once you know these you are in a strong position to start re-building your own relationship with yourself. This is where you will begin to feel yourself develop trust in your own instincts. It will also help you identify suitable new partners in the future.

    Step 7. Get out and about. Join clubs, go to taster courses, and most importantly of all, keep your head up and your eyes open whenever you are out of the house. Love can occur in the most common of places, including in the supermarket, so don’t hang all your hopes on friends introducing you, or on-line dating.

    Step 8. Start talking to people you meet, be it in the supermarket, the pub, at the canteen at work. Realise that you have something to say. If your friends and family like you, the chances are other people will too.

    Once you have felt your feelings from the end of your relationship, it leaves you open to start a new relationship, only this time it’s with yourself. As this relationship develops, and goes from strength to strength your happiness and confidence will return because you have done the most important and kindest thing you could ever do. You have allowed yourself to be vulnerable with you through compassion, courage and connection. And from here, well your self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence will return, grow and take you to a whole new level of being you. Happy, confident, and emotionally stable and healthy about you and your future, whomever you share that with.

    Wishing you a happy and confident day!

    Lydia x

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