DO YOU PUT EVERYONE ELSE FIRST?
DO YOU PUT EVERYONE ELSE FIRST?
Thinking of others, being kind and considerate, having compassion for others are all qualities we admire, and generally hope to demonstrate in our daily lives. However what happens when you put everyone else first, to the detriment of yourself?
We all have strengths, ways of being that keep us driven and motivated and feeling at our best. These range from making sure everything runs perfectly (perfectionism); to being the organiser (which is control in disguise); always pushing ourselves to try harder and do better than last time, (never giving yourself credit for your achievements), to dashing from one thing to the next, never stopping or being able to pause for thought (this is avoidance in its social acceptable disguise); and of course; helping others out (the people pleaser).
The tricky part comes when we begin to overdo our strength. We become too reliant on the strength and it forms too big a part of our thoughts, feelings and behaviours and it begins to control us, rather than us use it to optimise our sense of self.
THE PERFECTIONIST – Making sure everything runs perfectly becomes perfectionism where mistakes are a sign of weakness. How do you know this is you? You’re always right, success matters and life is serious.
THE ORGANISER – Being the organiser was once about being reliable and in control, turns into never asking for help, because life is easier when you call the shots. Never showing your feelings as this would be a sure sign of weakness, and believing that failure is not an option.
THE HARD WORKER – Always pushing yourself harder and harder is great, so long as you take time to reflect and give yourself credit for what you have achieved to get this far. You may be determined, persistent, and hardworking but if the job is never finished then you have no time to relax and are effectively punishing yourself. This is not going to lead to happiness and confidence.
THE BUSY BEE – Being busy is part of living in the 21st century and modern technology, however it is also a brand, and a way of life that can define who we are. Being so busy, with no time to stop is worn like a badge of honour for some people and yet who are they trying to impress? Don’t we all crave some time to slow down? Or are you afraid of who you might find, and so keep yourself busy to avoid your emotions and avoid having to recognise the gaps, issues and vulnerabilities in your life? You may be efficient and responsive, but are you being true to yourself, and are you happy?
THE PEOPLE PLEASER – And so here we are back at the beginning again. Being kind, caring and passive. Always there for others, able to do what they need, although possibly not able to see or prioritise what you need. People pleaser are happy and confident when they are in demand, but take away their audience (family, friends, patients, colleagues) and they are far from happy. Either that, or they become so focussed on putting other first that they begin to resent not having enough time for themselves, and so resent other peoples constant requests of them.
Of course the only person who can change any of these situations for the better, and find happiness and contentment is YOU!
So if you recognise yourself in any of these and want to work to make the changes necessary to get you back into a happy and confident place then get in touch at email@example.com or call 07961 313029.
Remember, these are your strengths, so be wary of overdoing them and allowing them to take charge over who you are, and how you think, feel and behave.
Wishing you a happy and confident day!